scruta

Either you are sorting it out, or you are full of it.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The Blue AND The Red Pill

I

The Fongs

So check it man. What would happen if, in the Matrix, Neo took the blue pill and the red pill. Like, he didn’t choose. He just snatched both pills out of Morpheus’s hand and just ODed.

Ferret

Isn’t that kind’ve what he does anyway? He leaves the matrix, but retrains some kind of connection to it. Yet, qualitatively there would have to be some difference. I mean, he chooses the red pill, and all the same stuff happens. He’s sort of in the matrix yet not. Built into it if you will.

The Fongs

What if his head just explodes?

Ferret

Like blows up from the sheer technological computer magic?

The Fongs

Yeah. Technological computer magic.

Ferret

Sounds like he’s just stuck on a film set.

II

[Neo sits with Morpheus, decked out in his wrap around sunglasses and a designer trenchcoat. They concludes their vague dialogue of overtures to dreaming and fate, and Morpheus holds out the fateful blue pill and red pill, intoning:]

Morpheus

You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes. Remember — all I am offering is the truth, nothing more.

[Neo thinks for a moment, quickly graps both pills at the same time and downs them both.]

Neo

[gulping]

Whoa.

Morpheus

What the fuck?

Neo

What?

Morpheus

You’re supposed to choose one or the other. This was a mutually exclusive proposition.

Neo

You didn’t make it clear that I couldn’t have it both ways.

Morpheus

You didn’t think my rabbit hole versus dream thing was good enough? Where didn’t you get that you had to pick one or the other? You’ve totally fucked the scene.

Neo

Scene?

[Morpheus gets up and starts to walk away. Neo suddenly realizes that he’s a on a film set, staring at a camera. A man next to the camera, Andy Wachowski (AW), gets up and starts berating him, another man, Larry Wachowski (LW) sits back, keeps motioning like he wants to get a word in edgewise.]

AW

What the fuck are you doing Keanu?

Neo

What? Are you talking to me?

AW

Listen. We didn’t hire you because you are a brilliant method actor, okay? Your body type just worked with the green screens! Why the hell are you fucking up the scene?

LW

If it helps, just pretend you’re doing your role from Speed!

AW

Shut up, Larry!

Neo

What’s happening to me?

AW

Jesus Christ! Were you smoking dope before the take again?

LW

Let’s smoke when we’ve wrapped it!

AW

Don’t listen to him. You need to focus, okay!

Morpheus

Keanu, you’ve got this man. Just remember to choose the red pill next time. Andy. Larry. I’m gonna take a break, okay?

AW

That’s fine Lawrence. Take a break. You too Keanu. Go get some air. This method acting shit isn’t you, man. Just stick to what you know. Think Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

LW

Or Speed!

AW

Yeah. Or Speed.

Neo

Okay. Okay.

[Neo pretends to understand what is happening to him, but he’s really lost. He has no idea how he suddenly became somebody named Keanu. As he walks out Morpheus chats him up a little bit. He’s different now. He’s become some guy named Lawrence.]

Morpheus

Stay professional okay, man? No need to rewrite anything. Don’t go overboard on the method stuff man. Take that shit to your acting class, alright? Andy and Larry have got a sweet script, don’t they?

Neo

Yeah. It’s sweet.

Morpheus

I can’t wait until we film the fight scene. Are you as sore from all the kung fu training as I am?

Neo

Um. Yeah, I’m sore.

[They walk outside of the soundstage door into the LA sun. Morpheus says goodbye, walking off with a scantily clad blond, and Neo looks around the studio, bewildered.]

III

[Neo wanders around the backlots of a studio. A Bikinied Girl getting chatted up by some Random Douche winks at Neo.]

Bikinied Girl

Hey babe! Haven’t seen you in a while!

Neo

Yeah. Right. Um. Hello.

Random Douche

Keep walking buddy. You’ve already stuck this one.

Bikinied Girl

[half-perturbed]

Hey!

Neo

What? I did?

Bikinied Girl

Wait you don’t even remember how you we met at yoga class? How your the sight of you in the lotus position got me so wet? And it wasn’t because it was over 110 degrees in the room!

Neo

Yoga? I like computers.

Random Douche

Listen, dick. Fuck off! You may think because you were in some movies that you can just stick any girl you want and then pretend to forget them. I’m the one sticking it to this bimbo now.

Neo

Um. Okay.

[Still utterly confused, and now threatened, Neo wanders away as the Bikinied Girl smooches the Random Douche:]

Bikinied Girl

That was amazing. You really love me.

Random Douche

That’s right. I love your body, baby.

Bikinied Girl

Close enough.

[As Neo continues to wander, he starts soliloquizing.]

Neo

[as strained as possible, like somebody force fed him the lines]

What’s going on with me? What’s happening? This is so strange. I feel like taking both the red pill and the blue pill has resulted in a strange melding of states. Perhaps Shakespeare had point when he said that “All the world’s a stage,” precursor to the existential revelation of selflessness, or anti-ego, that it was, that the self is just a set of chosen roles. The only thing is that these rolls aren’t chosen for me. I’ve woken up to the reality that I am just a bundle of different me’s, but I have no control now over who they are. I took both pills. I still am part of a continual set of illusions, masks, roles.  Yet despite the continual change, there’s still a part of me that lasts through all of this.  This thing that allows me to say, that I’m still Neo, and I haven’t necessarily chosen these roles, they’ve chosen me. Whoa!

[Neo looks up to see that he’s yet again on a camera with Ferret and The Fongs standing behind it, arms folded intently.]

Neo

Who the fuck are you?

Ferret

That was a great Neo. Hold on a second. So Fongs, do you see what it would be like to be truly stuck in a world of reality and illusion at the same time? Occupying the role of the fantasy world and the world of reality at the same time? I mean, don’t you think it would really be just like Zizek says in A Pervert’s Guide to Cinema, film artistry at its purest, the fantasy projected onto reality, which is in some sense reality.

The Fongs

So like you being somehow able to direct a new version of The Matrix?

Ferret

Yeah.

The Fongs

I don’t get it.

Neo

Neither do I.

Ferret

God dammit.

posted by ferret at 7:13 pm  

2 Comments »

  1. No I don’t get it. Or remember it, but I do like the random xizek quote at the end. To tell you the trouth I don’t even know where I am. I am respondining to your blog at s bar called time passage. Does that mean I am between time pe just posting blog comments at2 am in the morning in Shanghai. anyways stop taking drugs. Ask the author of silent spring. Mixing medications isn’t good for you. Amen.

    Comment by the fong — March 8, 2009 @ 1:42 am

  2. I am so glad bikinied girls just hang outside of studios. I really relate to the random douche when he says “I love your body.”

    Really inventive. You need an editor however.

    Comment by mark a. young — March 28, 2009 @ 2:34 am

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