Li and Zhou: An Unfortunate Incident
[It’s the afternoon. Li is working away alone in his office. Zhou walks in. He has a white bandage across the bridge of his nose. His left eye is swollen a bit, and it looks as if he will have a black eye. Li stands up immediately in shock.]
Li
Zhou! What happened?
Zhou
I don’t want to talk about it.
Li
Okay. Well, do you need anything?
Zhou
No.
Li
Okay.
[Li watches Zhou as he walks to his desk and sits down. He pauses for a moment, sighs and then speaks:]
Zhou
I was buying perfume for my wife.
Li
Okay.
Zhou
There’s this shop she likes near Wangfujing. I thought I’d go after lunch.
Li
RIght.
Zhou
I bought the one that she likes and I started walking back towards work and I had to walk by all of those goddamned policemen standing there.
Li
There are a lot of them. I mean, you know-
Zhou
Of course, I know! It’s just hard to get around it all. So I was walking, and then somebody jostled me pretty hard and I dropped the bag of perfume.
Li
And then?
Zhou
The damn thing shattered, and I told the guy that I was sorry. The guy was pissed, but he eventually said it was his fault. The next thing I know though, this perfume starts wafting through the air. Somebody next to me says it smells like jasmine, and all these people start pointing at me. Next thing I know three big guys are beating the shit out of me and dragging me away.
Li
Zhou, I’m sorry.
Zhou
I kept trying to tell them that I was just picking up some perfume.
Li
Didn’t you know it was jasmine?
Zhou
The damn thing is called “Essence of Sensuality.” How the hell do I know what it smells like?!
Li
You never noticed that your wife smells like jasmine?
Zhou
My wife always just smelled like my wife. I never thought about it.
Li
Well, what happened after that?
Zhou
After that I had to convince them that I was just buying perfume for my wife. They called her and confirmed it and my party membership and my employment with the propaganda bureau. Plus, I had to call Wang to vouch for me.
Li
You called Wang?!
Zhou
I wanted to call you, but it made more sense to call him. He’s not in my department, and although he’s a twat, he could at the least vouch for me.
Li
That’s awful, Zhou.
Zhou
Stupid sons of bitches.