scruta

Either you are sorting it out, or you are full of it.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Li and Zhou: Roy Learns About Google

[Li and Zhou are sitting with Roy, attempting to indoctrinate the robot as best as they can.]

Li

Okay. So now we’re talking about Google.

Roy

Yes. Google, the influential internet search engine made by our good friends in America.

Zhou

America’s not our friend.

Roy

America is not our friend.

Li

No, Roy. America is our friend.

Roy

[Lights flash]

Contradiction! Shall we work on a contingency basis? Or am I to reboot?

Li

Contingency basis, Roy. It’s a contingency, Roy.

Zhou

I don’t understand. America is not our friend. They are our partner.

Li

Look. If someone is your partner, you have to at least act like they are friend, don’t you? Just be quiet, Zhou. Let’s not screw this up like last time when we had to reboot him.

Zhou

Why are you saying that it was my fault?

Li

You were the one who told him flat out that people from Xinjiang both were and were not Chinese, and refused to justify it. He’s a machine. He can’t handle contradictions like that. You’ve got to explain it to him.

Zhou

That’s just the way it is!

Li

No, Zhou. There is historical precedent. It has traditionally been a part of China.

Zhou

It has?

Li

God dammit, Zhou. Weren’t you paying attention?

Zhou

You actually believed all that? I mean, have you seen what people from Xinjiang look like?

Li

You know as well as I do that people from Xinjiang are part of this country, okay?

Zhou

But they’re not Chinese.

Li

Can we just agree that it’s complicated? There are reasons to consider them Chinese.

Roy

Shall we return to the contingency of how the people from Xinjiang both are and are not part of China? How the minority ethnic groups are bound to the Han through a common bond of membership in the Chinese enterprise, going back thousands of years?

Li

No, Roy. Let’s just stick with this: We always say America is our friend –

Zhou

You’re just going to lie to him?

Li

No. I’m trying to explain how the propaganda works to him, Zhou. And what does it matter? He’s a machine! It’s not a lie! It’s just not the truth!

Roy

When do I say America is my friend?

Li

Always, but you do not always act like America is your friend. Do you understand?

Roy

Yes. What one says is different than what one does. I am friendly to our partners in America; they are my friends, so I can obtain the best results from my dealings with them.

Li

Brilliantly said, Roy.

Zhou

That’s very nice.

Li

Might put us out of a job…

Zhou

I wonder.

Li

Now. Google is a foreign guest that entered into an arrangement with the Chinese people.

Roy

They are our friends.

Li

Exactly, Roy. Exactly. But they may break this agreement.

Roy

How could a guest do that to us?

Li

Exactly, Roy. We can now act as we choose.

Roy

So shall I advocate a course of action for our American friends?

Li

No, Roy. We can’t act as we choose. We must wait for the –

Roy

Contradiction! Shall I reboot or shall we arrange for contingencies?

Zhou

Who’s messing up now?

Li

[glares at Zhou, then responds to Roy]

Contingencies, Roy. There are always contingencies…

posted by ferret at 11:08 pm  

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