scruta

Either you are sorting it out, or you are full of it.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

An (Imaginary) Correspondence with 港汇广场

Dear 港汇广场,

Since you are one of the premiere shopping destinations in all of Shanghai, I would like to say that I’m concerned, and it’s not because of the price gouging one is bound to receive by going into one of your eyeglass stores, nor is it the questionable quality of some of your restaurants (I’m looking at you fifth floor sushi go-a-round). I’m perfectly willing to accept these pitfalls. They are to be expected in any shopping area.

I’ll cut to the chase. I’m deeply concerned about the status of the doors at the entrances to the building. They are perfectly satisfactory in their construction. They are positioned well enough, and work wonders for preventing drafts. However, why do you persist in keeping only one set of doors open at each entrance?

Locking the rest of the doors not only produces a minor nuisance for anyone entering and exiting the building, having to navigate the simultaneous entry/exit with disgruntled, stroller-ed mothers carting their offspring under heaps of shopping bags, or over-involved couples holding a public menage-a-tois with their Cold Stone buckets of cream-slop, it also presents a serious fire hazard. If there were a need to quickly evacuate the building, the cramming at the exits would result in shattering those fine glass panes in the doors at the very least, or the unfortunate trampling of one of your dear customers at worst. In the interest of safety and the continued prosperity of your business, I am advocating that you open ALL the doors in the future.

Sincerely,

Ferret

[The response:]

Mr. Ferret,

We are happy to hear shopping at 港汇广场 give you such wonderous feeling. It is our pleasure to open doors for you. A good opportunity indeed! If there is need to prevent the fire, then we feel this import. To stop the stampede, we will use our security guard to open door. There will be no trample.

We will speak to Cold Stone management about menage-a-tois cream. This is unacceptable what they do to mothers.

The glasses shop has a special buy! Buy 1 pair give you 1! 10,000RMB only at the least! If you want to eat the fifth floor sushi, please use enclosed coupon to feast vigorously without tariff.

Thank you so much from our patronage!

港汇广场

posted by ferret at 8:23 pm  

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