scruta

It’s a little bit strange, it’s against the times

But vines above my alley hold cucumber vines

Yellow flowered gerkins sprout on electric flows

And far above the concrete, green shoots curl in rows

But amdist it all is one great giant beast

A monster of a gourd, made for a feast

Shouldn’t we pick it or do something while we can?

Or will we just let it fall? Is that the way? Is that our plan?

I do not have a ladder, I don’t even have a clue

If one did pick this cucumber, would it electrocute you?

—

“I don’t even have a clue”.

[Ferret is taking the picture of said “cucumber” in the morning when one of his neighbors, walking his cockeyed dog, sees him.]

Neighbor

Oh, very good.

[Ferret nods.]

Neighbor

Good picture!

Ferret

这个黄瓜怎么那么大？

Why is this cucumber so big?

Neighbor

哦，这不是一个黄瓜，是丝瓜！

Oh, this isn’t a cucumber, it’s a loofah!

Ferret

是吗？能吃吗？

Really? Can you eat it?

Neighbor

不能吃啊！好用洗澡啊！

You can’t eat it. It’s good for washing with. 

Ferret

哦。

Oh.

No cucumber after all; it’s a sponge!

[Ferret is frazzled, looking for a piece of paper on his table entirely covered in crap. He’s been far too busy lately, but thinking to himself about what exactly has been taking up his time, he can’t say. He just knows he needs to find that piece of paper. It’s a receipt for something he wants to return. Or was it a receipt for registering for something? Yes, that’s it. Registration.]

Ferret

Where is it?

[Ferret finds the box he’d received ages ago. It’s full of just as much mystery as before, its faded packaging with just the words 上海 written on it are full of strange portent.]

Ferret

Damn, I totally forgot about this.

[Ferret takes a deep breath and starts to open it up, forgetting about the thing he was just searching for. Inside there is just brown packing paper, or so it seems. He continues to pull it out until he finds a small black notebook in the bottom of the box. He picks up and flips it open. There is a message scrawled on the front page.]

Notebook

捡到归还奖励

A reward for whoever returns this

[and an address below it]

王先生收

寿宁路20号

Mr. Wang

20 Shouning Lu

[Ferret flips through the rest of the pages in the notebook and finds nothing else. He sits down on his chair next to his desk and looks at the cover of the notebook, thinking.]

Sailing on and on, and on and on I’m a lost soul with his beard grown long floating over the still waters while a calm wind blows. But below me in the deep, I know that trouble is bubbling up. I can feel it.

My companions are bedraggled rum sots and dreamers. We keep our ship tidy, but rage through the evening, pulling great beasts from the brine and singing holly holly to the bright night sky. We’ll say it never ends.

We come to shore where we greet the natives. They smile at us like gods, and curse at us like them too – in moments of weakness and under their breath. I don’t know if they mean to destroy us. I suspect they don’t know either. We never stay long enough to find out.

It’s always back at sea, back at sea.

We’re heading somewhere.

Where?

I do not know.

[Ferret looks at the Box on his table and begins a conversation with it. Unfortunately, one sided.]

Ferret

What are you?

Box

…

Ferret

You’re a box. I know, but… That’s how it is, isn’t it? I’ve lived here for how long and I’m still lured into all of this bullshit. I get boxes delivered in the middle of the night and I start talking to them.

Box

…

[Ferret paces away from the Box, then paces back.]

Ferret

Who could possibly want to send me a box?

Box

…

Ferret

God. I need a drink.

[Ferret goes to the refrigerator and finds he only has some soy milk, a couple of days past the expiration date. He sighs then takes it out pours it in a glass. He sips on it, eyeing the Box.]

Ferret

You thought I meant a real drink, didn’t you? I did too.

Box

…

Ferret

I don’t have any alcohol in my house. I’m a cheap drunk anyway. I’d rather be rational about this.

Box

…

Ferret

Soy milk is high in protein. That should be good.

Box

…

Ferret

What do you want from me?

Box

…

Ferret

You know, on the phone, the girl said you “were” Shanghai. You’re all that Shanghai is in a box, huh?

Box

…

Ferret

You’re a bunch of bullshit gift certificates, aren’t you?

Box

…

Ferret

Fine, I’ll deal with you tomorrow.

[Ferret slugs down the last of his soy milk, puts his glass in the sink and goes to bed, leaving Box in the darkness.]

[Ferret is lying in bed, trying to sleep. There’s a knock on his door. He flicks on the lights and goes to answer it. There’s a Young Man there holding a small box.]

Young Man

唉，快递。

Hey, delivery.

Ferret

这是什么东西？

What is this?

Young Man

这是快递。就是，嗯，就是，delivery。

It’s a delivery. It’s a, um, it’s a, “delivery”.

Ferret

那我知道这是快递，但是我没有卖什么东西。

I know it’s a delivery, but I didn’t buy anything.

Young Man

你看地址吧。这不是203吗？

Take a look at the address. Isn’t this 203?

Ferret

是的。

Yeah.

Young Man

那怎么办? 你不要的话，我就带回去。

Then what do you want me to do?

Ferret

这个快递是从哪里来的？

Where is it from?

Young Man

我看一下。

Let me see.

[Ferret and the Young Man examine the package. There’s no return address. In the area on the box where it should be, it just says “Shanghai” in Chinese.]

Young Man

上海。

Shanghai.

Ferret

我知道。

I know.

Ferret

你怎么那么晚还是上班？

Why are you working so late?

Young Man

我就是加班啦！关你什么事？你要不要？

I’m working overtime. What does it have to do with you anyway? Do you want it or not?

Ferret

一个人刚刚给我打电话，告诉我你会来。

Somebody just called me and told me you’d be coming.

Young Man

当然啦！这是快递，delivery。

Of course! This is a delivery. A “delivery”!

Ferret

我知道的，但是我觉得这是开玩笑的，或者一个人就监视我，什么的。

I know, but I feel like it’s all a joke or somebody is spying on me. Something like that.

Young Man

开玩笑就是开玩笑。监视你呢？我怎么知道？你到底要不要你的快递？不要收的话，我就走了！

If it’s a joke, then it’s a joke. Spying on you? How do I know? Do you want your package or not? If you don’t want it, then I’m going.

[The Young Man begins to walk away with the package. Ferret stops him.]

Ferret

回来吧！我收了。

Come back! I’ll take it.

Young Man

好的。来签个名吧。

Okay. Sign here.

[Ferret signs for it.]

Young Man

哎，你的中文好不错。你在中国多久了？

Hey，your Chinese is pretty good. How long have you been in China?

[Ferret raises his left hand and extends all five of his fingers.]

Ferret

五年。

Five years.

Young Man

Very good!

Ferret

Thanks.

[ They wave goodbye to each other. Ferret closes the door and sets the box down on his table.]

Ferret

Well, what now?

 

[It’s late and Ferret is lying in bed, reading a book, evading sleep just a bit more so that he can dig further into the world of words. The telephone rings. He picks it up. There’s a voice – female, nervous. There’s the sound of talking in the background as if it’s coming from a call center.]

Ferret

Hello?

Voice

喂？

Hello?

Ferret

Hello?

Voice

Oh, um, hello. You are a foreign person?

Ferret

Hello. Yeah. A foreigner.

Voice

Who is this?

Ferret

You’re calling me. You can’t ask “Who is this?”.

Voice

I… umm… do you want Shanghai?

Ferret

I’m sorry?

Voice

Do you want Shanghai?

Ferret

Do I want to go to Shanghai?

Voice

No. You are in Shanghai.

Ferret

Yes.

Voice

Then do you want Shanghai?

Ferret

What is Shanghai?

Voice

What is?

Ferret

Yes. What are you talking about?

Voice

I will send it to you.

Ferret

What?

Voice

One hour.

Ferret

No. I don’t want it! Whatever you’re selling I don’t want it!

[Ferret realizes that whoever was on the line has hung up.  He lies back in bed and his mind reels with thoughts of what it is that he’s been signed up for – credit card offers, free trials of hand lotion, cellphone service for a provider he doesn’t use. He sighs and turns out the light. After contemplating the darkness for a moment, he closes his eyes, rolls over and goes to bed.]

 

There were those girls I met years ago when I first came to Shanghai, the ones with names like Xinglei, Liming, Zhang Jing… there were many. I could never remember their names the first time. The second time was hard too. And the third. Point is that I eventually got it, and when I did it was glorious!

What happened? Years later Xinglei became Cindy, Liming Linda, Zhang Jing Jane.

I feel a bit sad, almost like there’s a part of them missing now. I wonder if they feel the same.

Away from here and far

Where the ocean meets the land

And the sun peaks down

Through the curtain of clouds

Like the iris of an eye

Blinded long ago.

 

No one will see you here

Where the streets pulse

Against the limits of nothingness

And the windows of the houses

Are shut tight against the rising black.

 

If you shine here, you can

Only shine like a star

Burning hard and fast

Raging with a fire to stay alive

Raging with a fire those outside

Can never know.

I was swallowed by you. You, a great giant beast, a leviathan that holds worlds within itself. My life was storms and troubles. Hope had dissipated on an endless ocean of despair. Throwing myself into the waves, I found you.

Here the people speak their own words, a vast network of syllables gleaned from thousands of travelers over time. Those living here are  weary of outsiders because they were once outsiders themselves. While many stay here in the depths, many plan to leave. They know that the belly of the beast will come to land, and they will find a way out. And I am waiting, unsure if I will be one of the ones to leave, or one of the ones to stay.

Built in the architraves of state capital, supported by the buttresses of individual finance and ruthless commodity optimization, you were consecrated by a a great secret society of builders, chipping away the stones of a great ideological edifice. Here what is worshiped cannot speak its name,  lost in the change and grow, the ebb and flow.

Shanghai, your streets are of leaden solder, and between them crystalline patches of light, colors of amber desire, aquamarine sympathy, purpled whispers, vermillion hatreds and hopes as green as the forest.

The onlookers are wowed and cowed, looking at this vision that they can only name, but they cannot understand.