Touch and Go, Go and Touch
[It’s a busy, busy bar. Loud drum and bass is thumping on the stereo. FERRET is talking with a lovely, young FOX.]
FERRET
So. What do you think about babies?
FOX
I like them. I’d love to have one. I just don’t want to go through the whole production process.
FERRET
Oh, I see.
FOX
What? I mean, it’s something growing inside of you. You wouldn’t want that, would you?
FERRET
No. No I guess not.
FOX
Why? What do you think?
FERRET
About babies or pregnant women?
FOX
Both.
FERRET
They’re okay. Babies are cool I suppose. Pregnant women make me feel a little awkward.
FOX
Exactly. Plus pregnant women have this strange cult about babies and giving birth. I don’t want to be part of that.
FERRET
But if you want one, you’re going to have to go through it.
FOX
Yeah, that’s true. But maybe when I’m ready to go through it I’ll have changed my mind about the whole thing.
FERRET
Probably. I’ve always had this urge to touch pregnant women. Like walk up to them and pat their stomach lightly, just to make sure it’s real.
FOX
Really? But you resist.
FERRET
Of course. I get urges to grab women all the time.
FOX
Oh.
FERRET
Yeah, I mean, I don’t.
FOX
Yeah. You just suppress those urges.
FERRET
Yeah. Unless I have been given access for the grab. Open grab zone.
FOX
Of course. You’re not one of those grabby guys.
FERRET
No. No, I’m not.
[There is a dead silence between them, apparent even beneath the thumping bass and the raging crowd. They sip on their drinks…]