Li and Zhou: Facebook Follies
LI
I can’t believe they’ve given us more work.
ZHOU
You should take it as an honor. We’re finally breaking into online censorship. Before it was just print media. This is a step up. We’re part of the Great Firewall now!
LI
I mean, it is an honor, but speaking frankly, it’s just one website.
ZHOU
But this website is huge.
LI
I’ve never heard of it.
ZHOU
Neither have I, but my niece says it’s great. It’s where foreigners go to reveal intimate details about their lives and post obscene pictures of themselves.
LI
And anyone can see them?
ZHOU
Yeah, almost anyone. It depends. They say you can let only your friends see if you want.
LI
Oh.
ZHOU
But it’s weird most people don’t seem to care. See?
[ZHOU shows LI a picture of two girls from a kitty party posing lasciviously around a giant penis cake.]
LI
Oh my god.
ZHOU
I know! Isn’t it great?
LI
And your niece has an account?
[ZHOU is horrified.]
LI
Maybe it’s just cultural. The report says that there’s a Chinese website just like this.
ZHOU
But no penis cake.
LI
No. Probably no penis cake.
ZHOU
Hmm… so is that they only reason that they block this? Are we just smut blockers now?
LI
Maybe.
ZHOU
I don’t feel so honored anymore.
LI
Wait! Take a look at this.
[LI points to a posted link to a critical Economist article about ethnic violence in Xinjiang.]
ZHOU
My god! We’ve hit the jackpot, Li. We’re going political. Like really political.
LI
Yeah, I guess so.
ZHOU
Man those foreigners are sneaky, mixing debauchery with political commentary. Who would have thought?
LI
Alright, let’s dig in. We are the Facebook monitors!
[Two days later.]
LI
Zhou.
[ZHOU is engrossed in his computer, and hears nothing.]
LI
Zhou, what are you doing?
ZHOU
Hold on a second.
[Frustrated, LI walks around to ZHOU’s desk.]
LI
Seriously, what’re doing? Did you finish looking through the proofs from That’s Shanghai? What? Are still on Facebook?
ZHOU
Hold on a second. I’m trying to find out which Three Kingdoms character I am.
LI
What?
ZHOU
And after that I’m going to find out if I’m more like Jet Li or Bruce Lee. Old school or new school, you know?
LI
[scolding]
Zhou, cut this shit out and get back to work. Facebook is taking over your life! You’re becoming a junkie! We’re supposed to be monitoring it; we’re not supposed to be corrupted by it.
ZHOU
Look at this picture of my niece with her dog! Ha ha!
LI
Oh, that’s pretty cute… But seriously! Stop. It’s time to work.
ZHOU
Okay… Hey! I’m Zhang Fei.
LI
Zhou!
ZHOU
What?! Look at yourself. You’re such a hypocrite!
LI
Excuse me?!
ZHOU
I saw you playing on Facebook, too!
LI
[averting his eyes guiltily]
I wasn’t.
ZHOU
Oh really?
[ZHOU logs onto LI’s page.]
ZHOU
Mr. Li, or should I say Mafia Wars number 23 player, Triad_Dawn?
LI
Listen, I have hundreds of henchman at my disposal! We will attack you and take all of your drugs! The prostitution rings all bow before me! Don’t you dare try to start shit with me or you will have a turf war!
ZHOU
Ahem.
LI
I have no idea what you are talking about.
ZHOU
This Facebook is amazing.
LI
I know.
ZHOU
You know what’s strange though?
LI
What?
ZHOU
I haven’t been following the political stuff at all.
LI
Zhou!
ZHOU
But hear me out… almost none of my friends on there have either.
LI
What are you trying to say?
ZHOU
Most people seem to find ways to censor themselves.
LI
Of course, but it’s the ones who don’t that you’ve got to worry about. They’ll get the others going. They always do.