scruta

Either you are sorting it out, or you are full of it.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

New Years Bull#$@%

[The BOSS and his UNDERLING sit in their office.]

BOSS

Are you on MSN?

UNDERLING

Absolutely not.

[The UNDERLING is on MSN. She receives yet another “Happy 牛 Year!” pun from yet another one of her foreign friends.]

UNDERLING

Oh, dammit.

BOSS

What is it?

UNDERLING

Umm. My computer had a problem.

BOSS

You aren’t on MSN, are you?

UNDERLING

Absolutely not.

BOSS

So when is the giant ox going to arrive out front?

UNDERLING

[typing away vigorously]

What?

BOSS

The giant ox. You know, out front.

UNDERLING

Oh yeah. That’s not going to be here for another two days.

BOSS

Why the delay?

UNDERLING

Well, it seems that we got our order in too late. They were out of gold oxen.

BOSS

I don’t believe it.

UNDERLING

Well, they did have one that looked like it was taking a deuce. It was a special order for a fertilizer company in Qingdao, but they cancelled it. I thought you didn’t want that out front.

BOSS

Good thinking. Okay. But why so long? I mean, can’t they just whip one up overnight? They have a mold or whatever, right?

UNDERLING

You’d think, right? But it turns out that the owner of the bull shop had a fight with his wife.

BOSS

What does that have to do with anything?

UNDERLING

Well, he was having an affair with this girl who wears a lot of purple.

BOSS

Why purple?

UNDERLING

I have no idea. Ask her!

BOSS

Okay, then what?

UNDERLING

His wife dumped purple paint all over the one that was supposed to arrive today. So they tried to repaint it, but the paint kept peeling back to purple. So are going to have to strip the paint and start over again.

BOSS

Couldn’t we buy an old one? One from 12 years ago?

UNDERLING

I called around, but the only one I could find was in front of a slaugherhouse. It would take at least 3 more days to fumagate it.

BOSS

[sighs]

Okay.

[The UNDERLING begins to type away. She laughs.]

BOSS

What’s so funny?

UNDERLING

Umm. Nothing. Oh the year of the ox! Haha!

BOSS

You are on MSN, aren’t you?

UNDERLING

Absolutely not.

posted by ferret at 4:56 pm  

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